suicide note.

I've always had a fairly steady relationship with my education. Up until my senior year of high school, I was sportin' a really flashy 4.0 promise ring from our 6 years together. Our 7th year put a .02 dent in the hardware, but we worked through it. We decided to take our "High School Sweetheart" fling to the next level and give a college education a go...

I'm in my 4th semester at Utah Valley University and finally wrapping up my associates degree. This semester has taken puppy love to a full-fledged serious relationship. I am in a hot-and-heavy, extremely steady, borderline restrictive, almost abusive, somewhat claustrophobic, head-over-heels, exclusive relationship with school. I have officially committed social suicide.

I'm only taking 13 credits this semester, but there's never been more expected of me. When I'm not at school, I'm frantically trying to stay on top of all the homework and tests. And, I'm not exactly the most easy-going student... I've been a perfectionist since the day I was born. (Thanks, Dad!) Absolutely everything about my assignments, projects, and test scores has to be perfect. I feel sick to my stomach when I hand in an assignment that I know I "half-assed." (Thanks, Mom!) Not to mention the 25 hours I'm (supposed to be) working each week. --Sometimes my relationship exhausts me to the point of sleeping through 4 alarms and arriving just a hair late to work. :)-- All in all, I'm a busy girl.

My biggest complaint to the big man upstairs is that I don't think He realized how stingy He was being by only giving us 24 hours in a day. That is just NOT enough time. I've yet to lay in bed at the end of the day thinking I've gotten everything done that I need to do. There's always more pushed back onto tomorrow's to-do list. Unfortunately, the thing that I tend to shove off onto tomorrow's agenda is the irreplaceable time with friends and family. ...Aaaaand cleaning my room and doing laundry -(but that's usually okay with me).

For example, the last 2 weeks of school have been absolutely crazy. On top of the normal load of assignments and chapters to read, I've had 3 tests in a matter of 4 days... AND, the Praxis Exam which determines whether or not I get accepted into the teaching program. Let's just say that Amy and I have sold our souls to the library. It has been so satanic that we even stayed there until 11 o'clock pm on a FRIDAY NIGHT. (Luckily, my long lost other boyfriend, Gage, hand delivered some Cafe Rio salads to the penitentiary.) Our demanding relationship with school killed our social life. And, in a way, still has it in a choke-hold.

Amy and I at our usual hang-out. SCHOOL.

So...
to my New Years Resolution, don't consider me a quitter yet. I'm still in the game.
to my loved ones I haven't seen in a while, lets be friends again soon.

Oh, AND, just for the record:
AMY AND I PASSED THE PRAXIS!!!
It was just about the hardest test I have ever taken... even with all the studying I overdosed on. You need a score of 150 to pass and be admitted to the teaching program. How hard could a test for elementary teachers be, right? Wrong! About halfway through the test, I told myself it was very likely I wouldn't pass and began to brace myself for the fall. Imagine my excitement as I submitted my test and sirens wailed, confetti and balloons fell from the ceiling, lights flashed, and a big bold 180 showed up on my screen. Forget the extravaganza, but I was still on cloud nine. I'm not sure what felt better... Passing or getting it over with. Either way, I told school he was being a little too clingy, so I'm hoping we can slow things down a little bit.

Celebrating our victory with some Red Mango.