quindici giorni

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I went on a rollercoaster!

…Of emotions.

Where do I begin?

I’ve been having a hard time out here for the last few days. I have no idea what it was, but something last week triggered a flood of emotions. I just woke up one morning and felt nothing like myself. For the next five days or so, I was in a funk. I was homesick all the time. I had an anxious pit in my stomach. I was stressing about every little thing that I have no control over outside of Italy. I was not myself. I was quiet, kept to myself, reserved, and ultimately pulled myself away from the group. It was awful. No matter what I did or what I told myself, I could not figure out how to get over it. I just felt sick and weighed down no matter what. I was a basket case. Plus, it was all escalated by the fact that it made me more frustrated knowing that I was wasting precious time and money by being unhappy, yet I was trapped in it and couldn’t find a way out. I have never felt so sad, lonely, anxious, or stressed out.

Last night I had a meltdown. I’m pretty sure it was a full on panic attack. I was so overwhelmed with all the decisions to be made at home with the wedding and moving and school; I wasn’t at home near people who could help me or comfort me; I was sick of being sad and anti-social; I was sick of feeling bad for myself! Everything just built up and I had no idea what to do. So, with tears streaming down my face, I climbed to the top floor of the hotel, knocked on room 27, and asked Steve to give me a blessing. He has been worried about me the entire trip and has kept me under his wing just because knows everything that’s going on at home he was nervous about me leaving behind a fiancé and wedding plans. He asks me a few times a week if how I’m doing and if I’m hanging in there. He’s a bishop in a young married adult ward, so he has some experience in this sort of stuff. He asked me what exactly was bothering me and if I noticed anything that triggered the anxiety and homesickness. He gave me a lot of great advice; both pertaining to the issues I was facing and just life in general. It talked some sense into me and helped me calm down a little bit and then he gave me a blessing. He specifically blessed me that I would get a good night’s rest and that when I woke up those painful feelings of anxiety would be gone and I would be able to be myself and enjoy the rest of the trip with the help of the spirit and a prayer in my heart.

I woke up this morning and with a little positive self-talk and a prayer, I began a wonderful day! Today has been great! I'm feel like myself again! Of course, none of the things I was stressing about have gone anywhere... But I know there's nothing I can do about it til I get home and it's not worth ruining my trip. I feel so so so much better. I'm not as homesick. I'm happier and have more energy. It feels SO good! I'm sooo prone to stressing myself out to the point that I lose sleep or make myself sick. It's a horrible trait, but luckily I have the priesthood to help me get over it. I am so thankful for the priesthood and that we have a worthy priesthood holder on this trip to turn to for help. It is seriously such a blessing. Steve is one of the greatest guys I have ever met and I am so grateful for him. I’m not sure how things would have turned out if I wasn’t able to receive that blessing.

Today has been a much better day! A good attitude and Florence make a great team. Plus, I knew it was going to be a great day when our hotel served us COLD CEREAL for breakfast!!! I’ve been craving that so bad for weeks. It’s the one food I keep drooling about eating once I get home! Haha!

We took a bus to a point that overlooked all of Florence. It was an incredible view. For miles and miles all you can see is a valley of red roofs surrounded by lush, green rolling hills. You can see the massive dome of the Florence Cathedral and the bell tower rising far above the other buildings. It was breath-taking.

After coming back into town, we learned about the Cathedral of Florence, the Florentine Baptistry and its famous doors called the Gates of Paradise, and the cathedral museum.

As we’re sitting throughout the town listening to Steve and taking notes, random tourists come and take pictures of us. It’s the weirdest thing! Of course, most of them are Asian and take pictures of just about everything, so it’s understandable. Some people make it obvious and come straight to the front of the group and make some sort of light-hearted comment in their native language and snap a picture of us while others stand lingering back in the crowds of people and sneak a pic. It’s so bizarre! We’ve noticed it the entire time we’ve been here and have yet to figure out why we seem to be such a photo-op!

In our free time, we explored the world famous Florentine Market. It’s shops of leather purses, wallets, shoes, and jackets, scarves, ties, jewelry, t-shirts, and all other kinds of souvenirs. It winds through blocks and blocks of countless streets. It’s massive! It’s a lot like the swap meet in Hawaii. Not quite the bargains I was expecting, but it’s a great place to window shop. (I’m still trying to get used to that!)

We were walking through the market when all of a sudden a little Italian man looked at me and screamed, “BRITNEY SPEARS!!!” I was so caught off guard and I looked around to see what he was yelling about, only to see him reach out a hand and give me a huge high-five. Apparently, Disneyland isn’t where dreams come true… my childhood dream of being Britney Spears was just fulfilled in Florence, Italy! How funny is that!?

I love you guys!

I’ll see you soon!

Wit