P.S. I Love You on my mind...

P.S. I Love You is on my mind, so I can't help but post this.

I don't have any insight or interpretation to share. Anything I say would just take away from how absolutely perfect this is. It stands strong on it's own and is so powerful all by itself. That's why every time I hear it or read it, I'm brought to tears. It's about moving on in life and in love. It shows that sometimes loving someone means letting them go... And being happy for them when they move on. This is "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." at it's best.

Dear Holly,
I don't have much time. I don't mean literally, I mean you're out buying ice cream and you'll be home soon. But I have a feeling this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me; how you changed me. You made me a man by loving me, Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful... literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends.

P.S. I will always love you.

this little piggy.

For obvious –muscly, scruffy, Irish, Gerard Butler—reasons, P.S. I Love You is my all-time­ favorite movie.

Coming from me, that means a lot! I am the world’s worst decision maker which leaves me completely handicapped at picking favorites. Ask me my favorite food, favorite color, favorite song, favorite season, favorite anything and I’ll spend the next hour tossing and turning. I realize they’re not life-changing decisions, but “favorite” is a hefty word. I have a small, suppressed fear of commitment and a large, public fear of making wrong decisions… Picking favorites encompasses them both. This is why I hope you take me seriously when I tell you that P.S. I LOVE YOU IS MY ALL TIME FAVORITE MOVIE! I mean business. I’m decided and committed. This is probably the only thing in my life I’ll ever feel so sure about.

Gerard aside, (thank goodness he dies in the first 10 minutes of the movie or I never would’ve gotten anything out of it but googly eyes and some heavy drooling) this movie really moved me. There hasn’t been a time I’ve watched it that I haven’t cried. And by cried I mean fully-engaged, caught-in-the-moment, alligator tears streaming down my face. There’s a 30-minute danger zone after the movie is over that I’m still sobbing. Slightly embarrassing. No matter how many times I see it, the movie hits hard every time.

In Blockbuster, you’d find it in the Romantic Comedy section; but for me, it’s a thriller. It makes me stare my biggest fears right in the face. I think that’s one of the reasons why I like it so much… I can feel exhilarated, accomplished and brave while vicariously facing my fears through someone else.

I am absolutely terrified of change and saying goodbye.

I hate the heavy, empty feeling of unfamiliarity that knocks me off my feet every time something changes or someone leaves. I hate the deep, dark, sadness that sets in the moment I realize things are going to be different. I hate the frantic, painful panic that clenches my stomach as I look down a bunch of unexpected, unknown, open-ended forks in the road.

I want the best of everything and everyone. I want to keep everyone I’ve ever loved or cared for close to me always. When I say best friends, I mean friends forever. I want every good memory, circumstance, opportunity, and relationship to continue to grow with and accompany me. Change will always be hard for me... Not necessarily for fear of writing a new chapter, but for sadness upon ending an old one. It’s not that I don’t enjoy my present situation; it’s just that I miss all the things I loved about previous situations, too. I want to have my cake and eat it too, I guess. Anything from growing apart from old friends to growing out of old clothes… Moving on is hard for me.

The purpose of this post is to share one of my favorite quotes from P.S. I Love You. It’s something that really hit close to home for me and has been a little blanket of bravery when the winds of change have my knees chattering.

–Mind you, I even cried just reading lines from the movie. HAHA!

A new man comes into Holly’s life after her husband dies. Regardless of how much she likes him, she can’t bring herself to let go of what is already gone enough to enjoy what is beginning to make its way into her life.

William kisses Holly and Holly pulls away, saying…

Holly: “No, it’s not gonna work. I feel like I’m trying on a new pair of shoes I really wanna buy, but they just don’t fit.”

William: “Alright then… How about going barefoot for a while?”

All these years, they’ve been telling us what to do if the shoe FITS. Best case scenario, YOU WEAR IT.

But, what do you do when the shoe doesn’t fit? What do you do when life doesn’t go according to plan? Plans change. Life is versatile and there are no guarantees. There are going to be shoes we grow out of, shoes we endure blisters to wear, and shoes that would look SO good on our feet but don’t come in our size.

It’s in these times that we find our strength and our identity.

It’s in these times that we go barefoot.

To me, barefoot means taking risks. It’s having fears; it’s having doubts; it’s living in spite of those things that scare you to death. It’s taking chances; and giving second chances. Going barefoot means standing on your own, living life for yourself, and being your own best friend. It’s about forgiving yourself, respecting yourself, and loving yourself. It means letting go and moving on. It’s knowing you’ve got a good thing before it’s gone, but saying goodbye anyway. Going barefoot means accepting the things you cannot change. It means accepting that things are different and taking the opportunity to find something better to take its place. Going barefoot means trusting yourself and following your heart. It’s letting go of your insecurities and embracing what makes you different. It’s taking a break and figuring out what means the most to you. It’s prioritizing. It’s being all by yourself. It's finding peace and strength in loneliness. Going barefoot is the strength to walk down a path you didn’t consider before; a path you didn’t see with your shoes on. It’s accepting apologies and letting go of grudges. It’s standing up for yourself and the things you believe in. Going barefoot means throwing out the rules and doing it your way. It means saying "no thank you" to the shoes that other people pick out for you that just aren't you. It's forgetting about what people are going to say. Going barefoot means laughing at yourself. It means being open and honest; with others, but mostly with yourself. It's having faith that things will work out. It’s being optimistic. Going barefoot is being open to His will. It’s letting the Lord into your life. It’s letting your hair down and going with the flow. It’s making your own decisions and learning from your mistakes. Going barefoot means having an open-mind. It’s getting back up every time you fall. It’s having the courage to let go… And then, having the courage to admit you’re okay. It means finding happiness solely from being YOU. Going barefoot means believing in love and friendship and all the things that have seemed to let you down in the past. It’s falling madly in love again. It’s making new friends. It’s changing your plans and sometimes not having a plan at all.

Toss out the shoes that don’t fit anymore, let your feet recover from the shoes you’ve been miserably squeezing into, and stop sitting around waiting for the “perfect” shoe.

Be yourself.

Be free.

Embrace your individuality.

Flourish in your circumstances.

Be real.

Feel something.

Feel everything.

Whether it’s smooth, cool blades of grass between your toes or sharp rocks jabbing at your soles, let reality hit you hard. Let life in. Find delight in the good times and find sorrow in the hard times. Don’t deny yourself the opportunity of experiencing reality; messy, delightful, tragic, complicated, awful, beautiful REALITY.

Put yourself first.

Open your heart and your mind to change.

Be brave.

Be bold.

Be barefoot.

This is my promise to myself to take my shoes off for a little while. I’m at a point in my life where everything is changing and nothing is how I thought it would be. In most cases, it’s actually much better. Nothing seems to have gone according to plan… And now that I’ve caught my breath, I’m realizing that that’s okay. I have a lot of big decisions coming up in life. Everyone says junior high is your awkward stage, but I feel much more awkward in this stage of life than I ever did with braces and baby fat. I’m stuck between everything I used to be and everything I’m becoming. I’m stuck between being daddy’s little girl and hubby’s wife. I’m stuck between being an elementary student and an elementary teacher. I’m stuck between being glued-at-the-hip to my friends and squeezing in lunch whenever we can. I’m stuck between being a daughter and being a mom. Britney Spears said it best: “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman.” I’m in an awkward place in life. My roles are transitioning and I’m getting lost in the shuffle. I’d trade it all for braces and baby fat in a heartbeat!

This is my time to go barefoot. I need to slow down, leave my shoes and the world behind, and take a long walk all by myself to figure out who I am and what I want out of life. I need to feel every joy and every pain with my very own feet. I need to have my own thoughts in my head. I need to open my heart and my mind to all of the possibilities in this life and find out what means the most to me.

My shoes are off, my toes are free…

I’m going barefoot for a while.

If you think it stinks, tough luck! :)

suicide note.

I've always had a fairly steady relationship with my education. Up until my senior year of high school, I was sportin' a really flashy 4.0 promise ring from our 6 years together. Our 7th year put a .02 dent in the hardware, but we worked through it. We decided to take our "High School Sweetheart" fling to the next level and give a college education a go...

I'm in my 4th semester at Utah Valley University and finally wrapping up my associates degree. This semester has taken puppy love to a full-fledged serious relationship. I am in a hot-and-heavy, extremely steady, borderline restrictive, almost abusive, somewhat claustrophobic, head-over-heels, exclusive relationship with school. I have officially committed social suicide.

I'm only taking 13 credits this semester, but there's never been more expected of me. When I'm not at school, I'm frantically trying to stay on top of all the homework and tests. And, I'm not exactly the most easy-going student... I've been a perfectionist since the day I was born. (Thanks, Dad!) Absolutely everything about my assignments, projects, and test scores has to be perfect. I feel sick to my stomach when I hand in an assignment that I know I "half-assed." (Thanks, Mom!) Not to mention the 25 hours I'm (supposed to be) working each week. --Sometimes my relationship exhausts me to the point of sleeping through 4 alarms and arriving just a hair late to work. :)-- All in all, I'm a busy girl.

My biggest complaint to the big man upstairs is that I don't think He realized how stingy He was being by only giving us 24 hours in a day. That is just NOT enough time. I've yet to lay in bed at the end of the day thinking I've gotten everything done that I need to do. There's always more pushed back onto tomorrow's to-do list. Unfortunately, the thing that I tend to shove off onto tomorrow's agenda is the irreplaceable time with friends and family. ...Aaaaand cleaning my room and doing laundry -(but that's usually okay with me).

For example, the last 2 weeks of school have been absolutely crazy. On top of the normal load of assignments and chapters to read, I've had 3 tests in a matter of 4 days... AND, the Praxis Exam which determines whether or not I get accepted into the teaching program. Let's just say that Amy and I have sold our souls to the library. It has been so satanic that we even stayed there until 11 o'clock pm on a FRIDAY NIGHT. (Luckily, my long lost other boyfriend, Gage, hand delivered some Cafe Rio salads to the penitentiary.) Our demanding relationship with school killed our social life. And, in a way, still has it in a choke-hold.

Amy and I at our usual hang-out. SCHOOL.

So...
to my New Years Resolution, don't consider me a quitter yet. I'm still in the game.
to my loved ones I haven't seen in a while, lets be friends again soon.

Oh, AND, just for the record:
AMY AND I PASSED THE PRAXIS!!!
It was just about the hardest test I have ever taken... even with all the studying I overdosed on. You need a score of 150 to pass and be admitted to the teaching program. How hard could a test for elementary teachers be, right? Wrong! About halfway through the test, I told myself it was very likely I wouldn't pass and began to brace myself for the fall. Imagine my excitement as I submitted my test and sirens wailed, confetti and balloons fell from the ceiling, lights flashed, and a big bold 180 showed up on my screen. Forget the extravaganza, but I was still on cloud nine. I'm not sure what felt better... Passing or getting it over with. Either way, I told school he was being a little too clingy, so I'm hoping we can slow things down a little bit.

Celebrating our victory with some Red Mango.

The Year in Review.

This year went by the usual way...
Some friends were lost, some friends were made.





2010 was an incredible year. It is home to some of my favorite memories and biggest trials. It was definitely my hardest year, but I wouldn't hesitate to tell you it was my GREATEST, too.

A lot of things have changed over the past year: anything from my relationship with my family to my relationship status on facebook -and everything in between like my testimony, priorities, friends, schools, plans, and a major. Day to day, not much seemed to change... But looking back, I'm a totally different person. I'm better off because of everything I experienced in 2010.

MY YEAR IN A NUTSHELL:

I sent one of my best friends on a mission. I had to face my fears and say goodbye to someone who meant the world to me. Everything I had known for the last 3 years was about to change. I was convinced that my world would stop spinning after the one thing it revolved around slipped away. The person I had come to be and the only Witney Wilson I recognized was the girl who was dating Jeff Boyd. How could I possibly survive with him 7,000 miles away? Who would I be? Ready or not, I was forced to find out. Learning to live without him was a struggle I had to take one day at a time. But over 365 days later, and I'm alive and happier than I've ever been. Saying goodbye to someone I'd grown so close to and risking plans I'd grown so fond of was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But learning to be my own best friend, putting my own happiness first, being open to ALL of life's possibilities, and living MY life for ME was well worth all of that pain. I'm better off because of the time I spent with Jeff and better off because of all I learned through letting him go.

I moved away from home for the very first time. ...3,000 miles and an ocean away to PARADISE! I spent a summer semester at BYU-Hawaii. Going out there, I didn't know another soul on the island... but coming home, I brought with me friendships that changed my life and would stay with me forever. It was the scariest thing I've ever done, but nothing has ever benefited me more. That experience taught me more about life and about myself than I ever could have learned anywhere else. I grew as a person and as a daughter of God. With friends, family, and the hustle-and-bustle of normal life miles behind me, I was alone in the pursuit of Witney Elizabeth Wilson. That empowered me. I found who I was in Hawaii. I made decisions for myself and made this life for me.

I learned the value of good friends. This year had blessed me with some of the most incredible people. I was able to grow closer to the friends I've had all along and realize how lucky I am to have them in my life. Because of them, I will never run out of memories, laughter, or shoulders to cry on. I was able to drift apart from old friends only to realize that best friends really are forever. I learned a hard lesson in distinguishing between the people who really care about me and those with selfish intentions; the people whose example brings out the best in me and those who bring me down; and the people who will always be there and those who'll run for cover when it starts to rain. More than anything, I am most thankful for the new friends I was able to make this year. The people I've met and grown close to this year are some of my closest friends. These people walked into my life when it seemed like the rest of the world was walking out. The Lord knew what he was doing when he placed them in my path. I needed them. And my life has been forever changed because of them.

I decided to spend the rest of my life doing something I love. I declared my major. This semester I'll be graduating with my Associates Degree in Pre-Elementary Education and will be starting the Teaching Program this fall to receive my Bachelors in Elementary Ed. After years of trying to talk myself out of it, I realized a lifetime doing something you're passionate about is a lot better than a lifetime of hefty paychecks. I force-fed myself thoughts of dental hygiene and physical therapy, but it wasn't long until I realized those things held little interest for me. Through it all, I kept coming back to elementary education. I've wanted to be a teacher ever since I can remember. It took me long enough, but I finally realized what meant the most to me... And that's doing something I love. As soon as I declared my major, I was overwhelmed with peace, relief, and anticipation for my future. I'm finally loving school and can't wait to start my career. I plan to teach 1st grade for a few years before going back to school to become a counselor.

I saw in my family something I had never seen before: My very BEST friends. Growing up, I wasn't always the easiest person to live with. I didn't say "thank you" as much as I should have, back-talked a little too much, cost a lot of money, slammed a lot of doors, needed parent notes and phone calls to get me out of trouble more than once or twice, spent as little time at home as possible, and kept my personal life far from Sunday Dinner conversations. Yet, through it all, I knew each and every one of my family members would be there in an instant when I needed them. It wasn't until this last year that I really took advantage of the greatest blessing the Lord has ever given me. As everything was changing, I found comfort in the one constant in my life. As all my friends were going separate ways, I found comfort in the people I knew would always be there for me. My parents and siblings have become my safe haven and best friends. I tell them everything and enjoy the time we spend together. I value their advice. They've helped me through all the trials of this year and have shared in all the joys. I have found strength in those relationships that has changed my life forever. I hate to think about the 18 years I spent missing out on this blessing, but, lucky for me, our family is forever.

I jumped, fell, and am still tumbling head over heels. People say it's not hitting the ground that kills you, but the shock of the fall. I had never been so scared in my entire life. I was a girl full of fears and hesitations when I met Gage in April. There wasn't a wall I put up that he didn't try to climb or demolish. The last thing I wanted to do was fall, but with him, it was impossible not to. We hung out a few times before I left for Hawaii and were inseparable as soon as I got home in July. Soon enough, he'd done what no one else had done before... He got through to me. Somewhere in the rubble of my defenses, he managed to sweep me off my feet. As much as my vulnerability scared me, I found a bravery in myself when I was with him. As much as the risk I was taking terrified me, it terrified me even more to risk never knowing what we could have had. So, against all odds, I fell in love with Gage Colby Loftin. He's tall, dark, and handsome. He makes me feel special. He makes me feel safe and comfortable. He is the life of the party. He makes me laugh til I have tears streaming down my face. He gets my sense of humor. He understands me. He pushes me and challenges me. He makes me a better person. He supports me and believes in me. He makes my life a fairytale; he treats me SO good. He has this incredible way of making me feel like the only girl in the world... Meanwhile, every girl in the room is drooling over him. He's determined, driven, and has a sense of direction. He's a hard worker. He saw me at my worst before he ever got a chance to see me at my best... And he fought for me, regardless. He loves me. Unconditionally. I am the luckiest girl in the world.

70 THINGS I LEARNED IN 2010:

1. There are good things in life and there are better things in life, the hard part is figuring out which things are best.

2. Money comes and goes, but memories last a lifetime.

3. Love is wanting the best for someone… Even if it means realizing the best thing may not be you.

4. The Lord may ask a lot of us at times, but he is never asking more than we are capable of giving.

5. There's a difference between MY best and THE best.

6. Love changes.

7. Never, EVER take anything for granted. Appreciate.

8. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

9. Sometimes you have to do things your way and forget about what other people are going to say.

10. Sometimes life doesn't work out the way you planned... It works out much better.

11. Perfection is boring.

12. Some people you thought would never let you down, probably will.

13. There is more lost in indecision than in wrong decision.

14. I have an incredible ability to stand on my own... But I didn’t find that out until that was my only option.

15. There are people you thought you could never live without… And, sooner or later, you’re going to have to learn to live without a few of them. You’ll be just fine.

16. Goodbyes will always be hard. I wish everyone I cared about could be with me all the time.

17. Not all love is the same. You can love more than one person and love them all differently. You'd be surprised what the heart is capable of.

18. It's hard not to get caught up in what everyone else thinks is best for you. In the long run, you'll always be happier when you do what YOU wanted to do. They'll come around.

19. The people that really love you will always support you. Even when it’s not in their best interest.

20. It's better to be 100% in one direction, than 50% in two.

21. Memory Lane is always open. It’s not always a “walk in the park”, but it’s always open.

22. When your hands have a firm grasp on the past, the present will slip right through your fingers.

23. It’s the things in life that money can’t buy that make you rich.

24. Don’t let someone’s past keep them from being a part of your future.

25. The biggest mistake you can make in life is to be constantly afraid you're going to make one.

26. People will surprise you. Let them. More often than not, people are everything you never gave them credit for.

27. Timing isn't everything. If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything.

28. Sometimes you have to forget about what you want and remember what you deserve.

29. Living life in "should have beens" and "could have beens" is a waste of time. It is what it is. It's not what it should have been, not what it could have been… It is what it is.

30. Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.

31. You can’t rig your life. Well, you can, but you shouldn’t.

32. “Serving a mission doesn’t alter the person you are supposed to marry, it ensures it.” From either end, and no matter who you end up with, time will tell who is best for you.

33. Giving up isn't always a sign of weakness. Sometimes it means you're strong enough to let go.

34. Many people are dying to lend you a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on. Take them up on the offer.

35. Turns out my parents knew what they were talking about all those years.

36. It’s usually the hardest things in life that reap the biggest reward.

37. Busy beats bored any day.

38. “What if’s” weight A LOT.

39. Ending a chapter in life is hard. But sometimes the best chapters are waiting to be written.

40. Don't get too caught up in proving everybody wrong. Stubbornness interrupts potential.

41. Life isn't about finding someone you can live with, it's about finding someone you can't live without.

42. You have nothing to lose by giving people the benefit of the doubt.

43. There’s not a risk I’ve taken that I haven’t been glad I took.

44. My family is nothing short of incredible.

45. The Lord works in mysterious ways and sometimes his greatest gifts to us are our greatest trials.

46. Plans change.

47. Life always goes on.

48. Being comfortable is nice, but that’s not what life is about. You have to get uncomfortable to find out what’s right for you.

49. To be great, surround yourself with greatness.

50. Never let yourself get hung up on what’s going wrong when you have all the power in the world to make it right.

51. Never be too busy to be a friend.

52. You can’t be anyone with someone, until you’re somebody without them.

53. My Heavenly Father loves me.

54. I am human.

55. I have weaknesses, fears, and vulnerabilities. And that’s okay.

56. I've got a lot of growing up to do.

57. Forgiveness is HARD. Hard to come by and hard to give.

58. My sleeve is a pretty good place for my heart to be.

59. The best mind is an open mind. Closed minds are useless.

60. People you love are still capable of hurting you.

61. Laughter really is the best medicine. There must be quite a few things laughing can't fix, but I don't know many of them.

62. Stand up for yourself and what you believe in. If you lose friends over it, so be it... They weren't your friends in the first place.

63. God is really good at hide-and-go-seek. No matter how fast you run or how long you hide, His intentions will always catch up to you. Sooner or later, His plan for you will make it's way into your life.

64. Sleep is my most loyal friend. No matter how many nights I break our plans, theres always a warm welcome when I come crawling back.

65. I owe 100% of the person I am today to the people I've spent my life with. If I'm of any worth of all, it's because of my parents, siblings, extended family, and friends.

66. The trouble with rumors is that I never get to do half the things I've heard I've done.

67. I am worthy of being loved. And there's a guy out there willing to treat me like the princess my Dad thinks I am.

68. All you need is love. Really.

69. I’m better than I was yesterday.

70. I’ll be even better tomorrow.




Here's to one more trip around the sun... Bring it on, 2011!

this deserves an expanation.

Fight with my best friend, eat a hamburger, enjoy a hamburger, admit to my parents being right, wear white after Labor day, lose at Wackee Six, grow up, change my mind, and wish things were different are all things I swore I'd never do... but ended up doing. I'm about to add BLOGGING to that list.

I've had a love-hate, on-again-off-again relationship with journaling. I have very detailed entries of my life spanning months at a time, but it always seemed that the parts of my life I'd like to remember the most are also the parts of my life when I am the most busy... Hence, no journal entries whatsoever. No matter how painfully embarrassing it is to go back and read how "magical" my first kiss was or how "in love" I was with the dream boat in my 7th period class, I'm so thankful I have those memories to look back on. Buried deep beneath the squirmy tummy and flushed cheeks I get when realizing how lame and naive I was, there's this glimmering beacon of appreciation and amusement. I'm so thankful I wrote those things down and have the opportunity to reflect back on them. I'm sure the things I'm losing sleep over now are going to have me laughing 10 years down the road... If only I can remember them! Which leads me to my reason for this post and every post from now on...

I made a new years resolution to start journaling again. And I realized my best bet in turning this goal into a habit would be to make it enjoyable... and public. So, here I am. I'm doing something I swore I'd never do... I'm blogging.

The fact that it's February and I'm just beginning my blog is evidence that I'm still working on my other two resolutions: procrastinate less and be on time more. Maybe my resolution next year will be: don't bite off more than you can chew.

Here's to the things you swore you'd never do!